"I didn't really know I could do it until last night. What we just did, I...wasn't sure if I could do it then. I needed to be sure."
He sighs heavily. "So. Not everyone who uses the Vice can do it. It's just another difference in our powers. And it makes sense. I hate crowds, you love them. We get different things off large groups of people."
"Mm, do I," he says, teasing and innuendo coming easily despite the revelation of that particular ability leaving him a little shaken. It's safe to be the flirt. And the jester.
"Company, crowds; people are fun." He could do without being read, but he's assuming that Colin's not doing it deliberately. "Are there times when you feel less clear on what someone's feeling? Around certain things or time of day?"
"I wondered that." Colin shifts so his legs are folded and his elbows rest on his knees. "If I'm tired, it's less clear. And it seems like it wasn't as strong in the early morning, till the moon came up. But something was...I went to get water, around noon? And it was stronger on the trip home than on the trip there."
He shifts as well so he can sit back-to-back with Colin again, mostly so he can use him as a backrest. It's comfy.
"So... water, or daylight, or both, make it stronger?" Detlef pushes himself to his feet, keeping his thoughts neutral as he goes over to the counter. Kittens. He's thinking about kittens and kittens only as he fills a cup from a pitcher of water and brings it back over, to hold it over Colin's head while grinning. "Want to test it?"
"Last night, it was really strong, while the moon was still--"
Oh. Now Detlef is threatening him with a pitcher of water. Colin has to suppress a smile, because despite his dour mood over this and his desire not to be soaked in his own home, Detlef is so damn charming about it.
The grin gets wider. "You know I dare. Don't you want to know more too? That's what this is about, learning, right? Seeing what we can do? Are you sure you don't want to try it out when I'm offering to help so generously over here?"
He sets down the pitcher and kneels next to Colin before wrapping his arms around his friend.
"Because you're Colin. Someone I've known for years. Is it nerve-wracking to know that someone can do that? Yes. I don't like people knowing what I'm thinking. But you're not people, you're Colin, and the worst you're going to do is foist burnt bread on me and make me feel guilty if I don't take it."
Colin's arms go around Detlef tightly, tears coming to his eyes. How is it that he is more afraid of this than his friend is? The places he could go with this, the intrusiveness, his own lack of control over it, it's all too much. But then something Detlef says provokes an automatic response.
"I'd never make you eat burnt bread," he says, and suddenly gives a breathy chuckle. It's such a lame thing to say, and more than that, it might prove Detlef's point.
"You'd better not, or I'd have to train the horses to drop you on your ass whenever you got on." He shifts backward a little, hands still resting on Colin's shoulders. "Breathe. And ten we should see what makes the ability stronger or weaker so we can be prepared against any malevolent sorts who have it."
Colin wipes tears away with the heel of his hand and obediently takes a deep breath, the knot of fear in his stomach much eased. He nods.
"You're right. But not by making a river in my bakery." He gives a nod in the general direction of the city gates. "Not when there's already one outside."
The smile is infectious, and makes its way onto Colin's face.
"I recognize your dibs," he says casually. "Your dibs will legally apply once we reach the river. Although--"
He stops, has to think for a minute about what to do about the walk back while wearing wet clothes, and he thinks about bringing dry to change into, then about simply undressing before getting in, and then he blushes deeply.
"You might...wait until I've undressed first. So we don't, um. Make people wonder what we were doing."
"Blushing before we've even had the chance to do something?" he teases, sitting back on his heels. A beat later he shrugs, glancing away.
"But maybe that's fair. For once there's someone I'd prefer not be speculating about me and someone else." Normally he doesn't care what people say about his flirting, that he does too much of it, or with too many people, or whatnot, but he'd like it if Farogil didn't start doubting that Detlef's actually interested.
"Your dinner companion is pretty cute," he offers with another shrug.
It's a relief to know he can still be surprised by someone else's feelings.
"You and Faro?" There's a swell of gladness for Detlef, but also a note of sexual disappointment and a sudden worry that they're both going to completely ditch him, move to another town, and forget about him like it sometimes feels Camilla has. He can nurse that later. "Congra--I mean, does he...? Feel the same?"
"He might?" It seems like more than might, but Detlef's nervous to be confident about anything personal. Now more than ever. His secret is out, but held, and he feels both grounded and restless. He wants to stay here for good and he wants to run again, but his choices are planting his roots more deeply. Now he has a friend in the Vice, now he knows a guard Captain who is trustworthy, now he's developing feelings for someone that are more than casual.
"I think he does," he tries again. "It's hard to, to be sure of anything when you're like... us." Profane. "But he seems kind, and sweet, and hopeful."
"I don't... I don't know." His lips purse and he sighs. "I just... I want... something. Something more. And if he finds out, and decides to turn me in, and I have to run, again..." Another sigh. "I don't want to run again. But I don't want to live in some sort of holding pattern forever, watching and doing nothing because of fear."
"I understand. I promise, I do." Colin runs fingers through his hair and gives a sigh. "And you deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a real life. But if you're discovered, it would put him in danger."
Something Colin learned over half a lifetime ago.
"You'd have to have a plan. And you might have to think about not being like us."
There's something a little sullen in the way Detlef leans against the nearest piece of furniture.
"No. No, I'm not going to let innocent animals die because some assholes have their heads stuffed up their ass so far that what's natural seems criminal and what's compassionate seems wrong. I won't stop. I'm going to help. And if, if, if he can't take who I am, then he can't take who I am. And no, I don't know what that means, or what picture that takes. And I don't know how to tell him, or keep from endangering him, but maybe I can figure this out. Somehow."
It's as determined as he ever gets. So many people get to have uncomplicated lives and he doesn't exactly want that, but he wants something that looks a little more peaceful than what he's previously had.
Colin got as much of a complicated life as he could ever have wanted, including the last twenty-four hours. He'd rather have no more of it.
"We'll vet him," he suggests gently. "Or, maybe I can do that. See if he might be a little receptive and understanding? Then you could make a plan together, hopefully. If it turns into something serious."
He hesitates. Is that fair to Farogil? Someone testing him? ...if it helps keep Faro safer, then yes. Because the Shepherds wouldn't necessarily stop with Detlef if they find out that he uses the Vice.
Colin gets a nod. "Carefully? Gently. He's a good person, I'm certain of it, and I want you to lose his friendship as much as I want to lose his interest. It's good to have connections."
Colin shakes his head gently. "It's not like I'm able to stop doing it anyway. Feeling peoples' feelings. I'm always in their head and they're always in mine. But if I pay attention when certain things get mentioned in conversation, it could be telling. And it could save his life. This is the same town that killed my family."
"Right," he says slowly. Colin isn't talking about pressing Farogil, or doing some sort of a grilling, but getting a sense of how he's feeling. It still feels a little dishonest, a little sneaky, but it's safer for everyone involved.
Especially considering this is the town that killed Colin's family. He may have some friendly acquaintances here, even some friends, but he's Profane. He has to remember that to some, he wouldn't be a person.
"Thank you." His voice is quiet. There are a lot of risks he's taken lately, and maybe some of them haven't been smart ones. At least Colin's got his back here.
"We're doing this to help people," Colin reminds him quietly. "Last night and all of today, all I could think about was how this could hurt people. But it helped him last night. He felt so sad, and talking about it helped."
A deep breath. "But we need to experiment with how to block people from reading us. You especially. I don't like feeling like I'm...invading."
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He sighs heavily. "So. Not everyone who uses the Vice can do it. It's just another difference in our powers. And it makes sense. I hate crowds, you love them. We get different things off large groups of people."
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"Company, crowds; people are fun." He could do without being read, but he's assuming that Colin's not doing it deliberately. "Are there times when you feel less clear on what someone's feeling? Around certain things or time of day?"
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"So... water, or daylight, or both, make it stronger?" Detlef pushes himself to his feet, keeping his thoughts neutral as he goes over to the counter. Kittens. He's thinking about kittens and kittens only as he fills a cup from a pitcher of water and brings it back over, to hold it over Colin's head while grinning. "Want to test it?"
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Oh. Now Detlef is threatening him with a pitcher of water. Colin has to suppress a smile, because despite his dour mood over this and his desire not to be soaked in his own home, Detlef is so damn charming about it.
"Don't you dare."
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The grin gets wider. "You know I dare. Don't you want to know more too? That's what this is about, learning, right? Seeing what we can do? Are you sure you don't want to try it out when I'm offering to help so generously over here?"
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A huff of a laugh, then an utter emptiness of any mirth over this, and he buries his face in his hands.
"It's not funny. Why aren't you afraid of me?"
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"Because you're Colin. Someone I've known for years. Is it nerve-wracking to know that someone can do that? Yes. I don't like people knowing what I'm thinking. But you're not people, you're Colin, and the worst you're going to do is foist burnt bread on me and make me feel guilty if I don't take it."
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"I'd never make you eat burnt bread," he says, and suddenly gives a breathy chuckle. It's such a lame thing to say, and more than that, it might prove Detlef's point.
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"You'd better not, or I'd have to train the horses to drop you on your ass whenever you got on." He shifts backward a little, hands still resting on Colin's shoulders. "Breathe. And ten we should see what makes the ability stronger or weaker so we can be prepared against any malevolent sorts who have it."
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"You're right. But not by making a river in my bakery." He gives a nod in the general direction of the city gates. "Not when there's already one outside."
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"Dibs on shoving you in."
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"I recognize your dibs," he says casually. "Your dibs will legally apply once we reach the river. Although--"
He stops, has to think for a minute about what to do about the walk back while wearing wet clothes, and he thinks about bringing dry to change into, then about simply undressing before getting in, and then he blushes deeply.
"You might...wait until I've undressed first. So we don't, um. Make people wonder what we were doing."
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"But maybe that's fair. For once there's someone I'd prefer not be speculating about me and someone else." Normally he doesn't care what people say about his flirting, that he does too much of it, or with too many people, or whatnot, but he'd like it if Farogil didn't start doubting that Detlef's actually interested.
"Your dinner companion is pretty cute," he offers with another shrug.
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"You and Faro?" There's a swell of gladness for Detlef, but also a note of sexual disappointment and a sudden worry that they're both going to completely ditch him, move to another town, and forget about him like it sometimes feels Camilla has. He can nurse that later. "Congra--I mean, does he...? Feel the same?"
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"I think he does," he tries again. "It's hard to, to be sure of anything when you're like... us." Profane. "But he seems kind, and sweet, and hopeful."
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There's a pretty significant concern about this. Regarding Detlef, not Faro. Colin folds his arms tightly, almost a self-hug.
"But we are like us, and he is not. What...what do you think you'll do? Obviously you can't tell him. But if you're discovered?"
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"I don't... I don't know." His lips purse and he sighs. "I just... I want... something. Something more. And if he finds out, and decides to turn me in, and I have to run, again..." Another sigh. "I don't want to run again. But I don't want to live in some sort of holding pattern forever, watching and doing nothing because of fear."
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Something Colin learned over half a lifetime ago.
"You'd have to have a plan. And you might have to think about not being like us."
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"No. No, I'm not going to let innocent animals die because some assholes have their heads stuffed up their ass so far that what's natural seems criminal and what's compassionate seems wrong. I won't stop. I'm going to help. And if, if, if he can't take who I am, then he can't take who I am. And no, I don't know what that means, or what picture that takes. And I don't know how to tell him, or keep from endangering him, but maybe I can figure this out. Somehow."
It's as determined as he ever gets. So many people get to have uncomplicated lives and he doesn't exactly want that, but he wants something that looks a little more peaceful than what he's previously had.
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"We'll vet him," he suggests gently. "Or, maybe I can do that. See if he might be a little receptive and understanding? Then you could make a plan together, hopefully. If it turns into something serious."
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Colin gets a nod. "Carefully? Gently. He's a good person, I'm certain of it, and I want you to lose his friendship as much as I want to lose his interest. It's good to have connections."
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And other towns wouldn't be any different.
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Especially considering this is the town that killed Colin's family. He may have some friendly acquaintances here, even some friends, but he's Profane. He has to remember that to some, he wouldn't be a person.
"Thank you." His voice is quiet. There are a lot of risks he's taken lately, and maybe some of them haven't been smart ones. At least Colin's got his back here.
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A deep breath. "But we need to experiment with how to block people from reading us. You especially. I don't like feeling like I'm...invading."
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